


Chew Me Up

by LamiaCalls



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Canon-typical language, Embarrassing Boners, Extra Treat, M/M, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:35:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29260590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LamiaCalls/pseuds/LamiaCalls
Summary: “Oh my christ, Jonah. Are you hard?” Three little words, and Jonah goes white as a fucking sheet.
Relationships: Dan Egan/Jonah Ryan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	Chew Me Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [intoxicatelou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoxicatelou/gifts).



> Thank you to firstlovelatespring for beta and Ameripicking! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Dan follows Jonah out of Selina’s office.

“What the fuck was that?” Dan calls, following him down the hall. “Seriously, are you fucking nuts, telling Selina to cut that speech?”

Jonah makes a hard right into the men’s bathroom, but Dan is right behind him. Nobody is there but them — there’s a much nicer one down the hall, Dan knows, but of course Jonah would use the grotty one. He suspects Jonah was just trying to give him the slip, but as if he’d let that happen.

“The  _ President _ didn’t like it. I’m not going to lie about what the President is saying. Unlike you, I work for someone who has actual power and—“

Dan stops him before he gets to the urinals, presses him against the wall. There’s something he likes about shoving men like Jonah around. “Don’t go on a little power trip with me, you lanky fuck. I could give a shit who you work for. You want to upset Selina, you run that by  _ me _ first. You hear me?“

“It’s my job to pass those messages on!”

Dan rolls his eyes.

“And it’s my job to deal with Selina. I don’t need some Wooly Willy impersonator fucking up my day by coming in, all pleased with himself for detonating bombs he’s too stupid to know exist.”

But that’s when he feels it, pressing against his hip. Dan blinks. He has about three seconds to process the information, before his mouth catches up with his brain, although even then, he’s not quite sure what the fuck is happening.

“Oh my christ, Jonah. Are you hard?” Three little words, and Jonah goes white as a fucking sheet.

“N-no,” he stutters. Then his face twists. “ _ No. _ What the fuck?”

“What the fuck me?” Dan says, voice low. “What the fuck  _ you _ ?”

He cocks his head back and laughs, watches the color rush back in Jonah’s pasty fucking cheeks. Furious and embarrassed, the Jonah Ryan special combo. It’s like a red rag to a bull for Dan, too much fun to resist. This is why he likes Jonah, as much as he could ever like anyone. He’s too easy to fuck with.

“You’re fucking hard! Is that why you hang around our office like a fruit fly infestation? Does Jonah Ryan have a  _ crush _ on me?”

“No!” Jonah tries to back up, but there’s only wall behind him and Dan can’t resist moving in even closer. But Jonah’s still going: “Are you out of your fucking mind? I’m not gay!”

“Well, your hardon begs to differ, doesn’t it?” Dan laughs.

“You’re delusional!” he says. “Seriously, are you such an egomaniac that you think—“

“All this time, I thought you were hanging around to try and suck Selina’s cock, when in fact you wanted to suck mine. Is that right?”

Jonah’s eyes widen. There’s pure panic there and Dan drinks it in. “Do you know how many girls I could get? As if I’d want to suck your cock when I could be knee deep in pussy in an hour! I don’t want to suck your cock!”

His voice is a pitch higher than it should be, and the words are tumbling out of him — it’s worse than his usual verbal diarrhea, scrambling desperately for any denial when they can both feel the truth sitting between them. He’s always been a shitty liar.

Dan steps in even closer, smiling, until their bodies a hair’s breadth apart. He keeps his voice low, half-seduction, half-threat. “Then what? You want  _ me _ to suck  _ your _ cock?”

Jonah freezes, back against the wall, shoulders up near his ears.

“Oh, that’s it, isn’t it?”

Dan wants to laugh again, but there’s something stirring inside him too now that he’s close, now that he can feel Jonah’s hardness against his hip properly. He should have moved away, but Dan’s a glutton for punishment if nothing else.

And Jonah clearly feels it too, because the light comes back in his eyes. “You want me too, don’t you?” he says, a troubling bit of laughter in his voice.

“So you admit it?” he says, looking up at him. He keeps his face as hard as he can, curls his lips in disgust. “You imagine me what, like this?”

Dan drops to his knees. The cold stone floor hurts, and he hopes nothing will stick to his expensive suit trousers, but it’s worth it for the drama and the way Jonah’s face morphs. Any humour that had been sneaking back in is lost completely. His eyes go wide.

“You look like you’re about to keel over, big guy,” Dan says, looking up at him through his eyelashes. He grins. “Fuck me, I’d be a hero if I managed to give Jonah Ryan a heart attack, you know that?”

The view isn’t bad from here either. There’s a strong want in him, that he didn’t expect, to unzip Jonah and see just what face he makes with his cock in his mouth. Dan bets it would be good. Wonders if Jonah would even know what to do with that. He feels his own dick stirring in response.

To distract himself, he runs a finger along Jonah’s belt, so very lightly, careful not to touch anything outside the leather. Even without actual contact, Jonah takes a breath like he’s trying to suck the whole room into his lungs.

“Would almost be worth it, don’t you think?”

Jonah’s face hasn’t changed. He’s looking at Dan with some mixture of fear and anticipation — and there’s  _ want _ there too, burning in his eyes. It makes Dan’s stomach growl — and his dick twitch.

He laughs, louder than he needs to. The tension is quickly turning into the sexual kind and he’s going to give into it if he isn’t careful. He gets up from his knees and savors the way Jonah’s face falls. It’s better than actually getting some release from Jonah, almost.

Almost.

“Come to me next time you want to shit all over Selina’s day,” Dan says, leaning close to Jonah. “Or I’ll tell everyone that you got off being humiliated by me. Or would you like that? Would you cum in your little boy pants when even Mike is looking down on you? Not that that’s humanly possible, you fucking beanpole.”

He turns to walk away, to go find a bathroom stall to jerk off in before he gets back to his desk, but Jonah grabs his arm.

“You can’t leave me like this!” Jonah says. “That’s not fair.”

There’s a note of neediness that Dan, despite himself, wants to satisfy. He grimaces. 

“Didn’t you hear me? About how miserable I’ll make your fucking life?”

“Yeah, and what?” Jonah says. There’s determination there that Dan didn’t even think Jonah the Big Ugly Giant was capable of. “I’ll tell everyone you wanted to suck my cock.”

Dan scrunches up his face, gets close.

“How’d you think that’d go for you, Jonah?” he says. He’s close enough that he could kiss him, and he toys with the idea. That’d wipe the little smirk that’s threatening to smear itself across Jonah’s face. But then, who knows, Jonah would probably fall in love with him and he’d have to deal with that, which he just doesn’t have time for, as funny as it might be.

“I’d say it’d make us even,” Jonah says. “I doubt they’d even be surprised, I mean, look at me.”

“Do you want to try me on that?” Dan grins at the moment of fear flashing in his eyes.

But then the fear is replaced by lust and Jonah does something Dan isn’t expecting: he takes some actual fucking initiative.

He grabs Dan by the belt, pulls him back and before Dan can say shit, Jonah’s hand strokes his cock through his trousers and Dan, through gritted teeth, lets out a little sound he didn’t mean to make.

“That’s almost exactly the sound your mother makes when I fuck her,” Jonah says, grinning, as he slides his hand over Dan’s cock a few more times.

“A ‘your mom’ joke, really?” Dan manages to say without letting any more sounds escape him. “Fuck, you’re pathetic.”

“Yeah, you really seem to be complaining,” Jonah says. That annoying little grin is back and it’s joined now by a glint of power in his eyes. Of course, he’d let this tiny — teensy teeny tiny — bit of power get to his head. Dan knows he needs to take it back, although the blood is sadly leaving his head at an unprecedented rate.

“Nobody would believe you anyway,” Dan says, trying to concentrate on his words. It’s been at least three days since he slept with anyone, and all that energy is pent up. It has nothing to do with Jonah in particular, of course. “That I would fuck you.”

Jonah’s grin falters, but only for a second. “But I’d know.”

As if to punctuate his point, Jonah squeezes his cock, and Dan flexes his jaw to stop from moaning. Fuck.

Jonah’s unzipping him before he can even think about it, and then it’s bare hand against bare cock and Dan can’t help but swallow down some air, let his eyes flutter for just a second, but it’s long enough to make Jonah laugh.

Jonah grabs Dan’s hand, guiding it to his own cock, which is impossibly hard. And, he notes, so annoyingly in proportion to the rest of Jonah’s ridiculous frame that he can’t even make a jab about it.

“Don’t be selfish, Egan,” Jonah says,

Dan rolls his eyes. Selfish doesn’t begin to describe him. He can’t even see the line where selfishness begins.

But, he wants to see what noises and faces Jonah makes. Wants to be able to use them later for his own pleasure, sure, but also wants to use them  _ against _ Jonah later too. Knowing Jonah, his o-face wasn’t a pretty one, and maybe Dan can humiliate him with that later.

Dan strokes, and Jonah practically whinnies. Dan laughs, even as his cock twitches. But he’s rewarded with Jonah giving him a sharp tug and he finds himself pressing into Jonah’s hand while he gasps, pained and yet wanting more, so much more.

“You like that? You like being roughed up?” Jonah whispers. His voice is thick, but his face is drawn in some mixture of lust and determination.

Dan doesn’t want to admit it, but It’s kind of hot. Actually, it’s  _ extremely _ hot. So, instead of some biting retort that he could definitely still muster up, he just nods dumbly up at Jonah.

He almost closes his eyes to enjoy the sensation, and to listen to Jonah’s own ragged breaths and barely suppressed moans, but then he realises what he’s doing, and who he’s doing it with, and who he  _ is _ —which is not a guy who gets all into a fucking schoolgirl swoon over a handy in the men’s bathroom with Jonah fucking Ryan.

So he turns his face to Jonah’s dick, lavishes it with new attention, rolls his fingers over the head, which is shining with precum, and tightens his grip on the down stroke. The skin is smooth, the flesh hot and rigid under his hands.

Jonah’s legs buck, just very slightly, but enough for Dan to feel the stirrings of triumph in his gut.

He’s not going to be the one who gets off first, that’s for fucking sure. In fact, if he can help it, he’ll make Jonah come, and then finish himself off in one of the stalls, not letting Jonah have the last shred of him — not yet, anyway. He doesn’t want to lose control in front of Jonah, not until he has some better leverage.

He keeps his rhythm steady, squeezing and rolling his fingers, enjoying the pathetic little noises that Jonah keeps making.

“Yeah, you fucking like that?” Jonah says between breaths. “You little bitch.”

Dan rolls his eyes and looks up at him, even as his dick jerks in reaction.

“Shut the fuck up, Jonah,” he says, but his voice breaks as Jonah strokes up. He’s getting frustrating close, especially not helped by the circumstances: he’s always been fond of public bathroom sex. There’s just something so degrading about it, and there’s no one he’d rather degrade than Jonah.

“I’m getting close,” Jonah huffs out, squeezing his eyes. “Don’t stop.”

Almost every part of Dan wants to be a contrary bastard. Zip himself up and leave Jonah, cringing and needy, in the bathroom. Or, he thinks, maybe he can make Jonah beg for Dan to finish him. He’d quite like to see Jonah beg. He wonders, briefly, what kind of shit he could get Jonah to do for a chance to fuck him.

Unfortunately, a much smaller, but much louder part of him doesn’t want to pass up the opportunity to watch Jonah come.

He doesn’t stop.

Jonah jerks up into his hand, fucking into it, and he’s stopped stroking Dan but that’s good — Dan doesn’t want to come here, now. From Jonah’s throat are coming these disgusting sounds that are only making Dan harder, and Dan speeds his rhythm up.

“Fuck,” Jonah says, slamming his head back against the wall and letting out a whimper as he comes. His face contorting into something both hot as hell and ugly as shit, coating Dan’s hand with hot come as he breathes out ragged little breaths, his eyes squeezed shut as he fucks uselessly into Dan’s hand.

When he’s done, Jonah’s breath is heavy, filling the room, and Dan wonders if people are going to wonder about how sweaty Jonah is. Oh well. It’s true: no one is going to believe him if he tries to tell anyone what happened, and it’s not like it’s unusual for Jonah to be a sweaty mess.

“You look more like shit than usual,” Dan says, can’t help but grin at the way Jonah shifts, suddenly uncomfortable, letting go of Dan’s cock and reaching to zip his own junk up. “You should clean yourself up and go back to sucking the President’s cock, alright? And next time you want to tell Selina shit? Run it by me first. Do you understand?”

Jonah seems to be barely listening, looking mortified and straightening himself up in the mirror.

“Fuck off then,” Dan says, going to the sink to wash his hands. He’s trying to play it cool, but he’s too turned on. He needs Jonah to fucking go already so he can finish himself off.

He keeps waiting for Jonah to retort, though — Jonah always has some kind of parting shot, some posturing to do to appease his ego. But maybe —

“I can’t believe you did that,” Jonah said, his face twisting in disgust. But there’s colour on his cheeks, his shoulders hunched in shame.

And it’s only now it occurs to Dan that maybe Jonah hasn’t been with a guy before. He knows that face, he’s seen that face a few times before. Hell, he once wore that face himself.

Of course. Honestly, Dan is shocked enough Jonah’s ever gotten a chick to sleep with him, let alone a dude. He might have felt sorry for Jonah, if Dan was the kind of guy who gave a shit. Besides, he has more pressing matters.

“Fucking gross, Egan,” Jonah spits. He checks his zipper again, straightens his polyester sweater vest.

“Yeah, yeah, really seemed like you hated it,” Dan says. As funny as this might be, he doesn’t really have time for it, with his erection still straining against his pants.

“I can’t believe you tried to touch me,” is all Jonah can manage to stammer out before he grabs the door and bursts out of the bathroom.

Dan hopes his laughter carries through the slamming door.

But enough of that. He dries his hands quickly, rushed, and locks himself into a stall to think about Jonah’s ridiculous faces and all the things Dan could do with his cock to use against Jonah in the future.


End file.
